What it means to be home.

​What does it mean to be home for you?

For me, when people ask me where I’m from, I pause and think about what to say. “I was born in PA but I grew up in Florida,” is my generalized answer. 

I spent majority of my short life in the south but I have some of the deepest connections in Pennsylvania. 

The truth is, I’m more at home in the woods or near the ocean, then in any four walls. Home has never been somewhere that confines me but in whatever gives me the freedom to experience the world around me. 

It’s in the smell of dirt after it rains. And the sound it makes on the roof of my porch.

It’s in the changing colors of a sunset. The peaceful calm I experience gazing at rolling blue mountains, as far as I can see.

It’s in the roaring tide repeatedly hitting the shore. The pelican perched on a banister, people watching with his beady eyes.

It’s in a well played set. A guitar riff that urges me to move my hips and forget everything else. 

It’s in the unknown on an open road to my next adventure.

It’s experiencing somewhere new with someone new. It’s deep conversation with a stranger.

It’s laughs and streaming tears shared with the people who know me best. 

It’s in the arms that have made me feel safe. The company of lovers who gave me their time, their affection and their hearts.

It’s the bubbling conversations over a well prepared meal. 

Home is in the connections stitched into my skin, the experiences that taught me something about myself and the questions I have not yet to ask. 

Home is wherever I am.
PC: @tilldeathdousparty

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I hope you take dirt roads. [Poem]

I hope you take dirt roads
And look up at the moon.

I hope you leave your heart open
and know it’s okay if everyone doesn’t understand.

I hope you give to yourself,
as much as you give to others.
I hope you chase experiences that push you
And make you question what you already know.

I hope you think of me and smile.

I hope you find happiness
and love wherever you go.

We are much deeper than our connection to anyone one person.

We are much deeper than our connection to anyone one person. We are pieces of everyone who has ever touched our lives.

We are much deeper than our connection to anyone one person. We are pieces of everyone who has ever touched our lives.

We hold them like butterflies, with delicate wings dancing in our rib cage. Every experience, every lesson, every moment burned beneath our skin.

We hold them loosely in our fingertips. Letting go slightly but keeping them close enough to forget how they made us feel.

Continue reading “We are much deeper than our connection to anyone one person.”

Don’t hide from yourself. [Poem]

I truly believe that we are alive
To feel.
To feel connected.
To feel love, and be loved in return.
To feel fulfilled.
To feel every dark, weathered corner inside of ourselves.

When we don’t allow ourselves the courtesy of listening to what we need.
When we love selfishly and without understanding of our own depths, we create chaos.
In our hearts, in our lives, and in our mind.
There’s no peace.

No matter the reason.

Self-preservation – a need to be free from further pain.
You can’t hide from yourself.
Trust me, I’ve tried.
You can’t deny what is true and possibly ugly, just because you are afraid of change.

It doesn’t work that way.
It will surface and be unrecognizable.
It will only tarnish your soul and rob you of the happiness you so longingly deserve.
Until you stand the fuck up, and face yourself.
Be brave.

It will hurt.
It will feel like you are drowning,
Like there isn’t enough oxygen in the air to fill your lungs,
But you’re worth it.

You are worth every salty, uncontrollable ache,
And every time you get caught out in the rain.

You are worthy of your own happiness
And every authentic thing you discover about yourself,
And the beauty after, your self imposed fog lifts.

So stop running from yourself,
And feel,
It is why you’re alive, after all.

BLM and Dallas Shooting

I am against the loss of black lives. I am against the loss of police officers. These two statements are not contradictory.

The point of #blacklivesmatter was never to imply that other lives do not matter, but to bring light to a specific problem. Unjust police brutality against black men, overwhelming lack of justice for loss of life, and racism.

What happened last night was cowardly. My heart is heavy for us as humans, and for the continual abuse of power against black lives. At what point does someone allow themselves to become what they claim to be against? How do you justify standing up in the name of valuing human life, by taking another life? How do you rationalize that this is a step forward? Is this really the kind of world you want to live in? Where people do any of this to one another.
This gives the media something to a point a finger at, and say, see I told you. It’s the easy narrative, without asking why there is aggravation, sadness, and unrest for the black community. Regardless of the shooter claiming he acted alone and is not affiliated with the movement, there will be progression/actions taken after this.
The Dallas police chief said, he believes in the right to peacefully protest, they will not militarize the police force, but steps will be taken to ensure safety. What does that look like? More riot gear? More rubber bullets and bean bags? how much further will that go?

I will never fully understand what it means to worry about the color of my skin but I will mourn with you, I will love you, and I will always be your alleyway. Continue reading “BLM and Dallas Shooting”